A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

March of the Penguins, Narrated by Soren Kierkegaard

Come to think of it Kierkegaard should narrate most things, it would really spice things up.

Desert Philosophy

But it turns out that John Stuart Mill had heat stroke the entire time he was writing most of his major works.

Kierkegaard at the Fair

Also though happiness itself leads to despair, so watch out for that.

Philosophy in a Free Fall

I always thought the "analytic / continental divide" was poorly named, it's really the nerd/non-nerd divide.

Kierkegaard Goes to Therapy

Therapist: "Welcome, Kierkegaard. What made you decide to get therapy? "

Kierkegaard: "Because one day i am going to die."

Kierkegaard: "Every moment i am aware of this fact, and belief in a life after death cannot come from reason. Every moment i live i am thrust into despair at having to choose what to do with my brief life, but ultimately knowing that only the void awaits and all my choices are meaningless in the end. This can only be overcome through faith in the eternal, but a new stronger despair haunts us then: we are always aware that faith is irrational, and we can never eradicate the gnawing doubt that we might waste our one life worshiping a God who doesn't exist."

Kierkegaard: "Don't you see? The very structure of existence itself is despair, and we cannot escape it."

Description: there is a long pause.

Therapist: "Have you tried regular exercise?"
"I'll give you some techniques to use whenever you are having thoughts about gnawing void at the heart of our existence."

Desert Island Philosophy

Description: four philosophers are on a desert island.

Thomas Hobbes: Well, we really have a problem. We've crashed on this island and i don't see much food around."

Kierkegaard: "Yes, we do have a problem..." 

Kierkegaard: "...what is the meaning of life?"

Descartes: "What? That's not our problem Kierkegaard, our problem is that we need to establish one certain fact on which to build our framework of knowledge, otherwise how do we even know we are on a desert island at all?"

Wittgenstein: "That's not our problem, Descartes."

Wittgenstein: "Our problem is that “we have no food”, is a negative fact, which we can't empirically verified--, because we can't do that without observing that there are no further facts to observe, which is impossible."

Descartes: "No, Wittgenstein, once we ground our-"

Hobbes, shouting: "Everyone shut up! Do you idiots not understand how dire the situation is? If we don't form a society we will all be in a war of all against all, and certainly starve."

Descartes: "Ahh, I see, Hobbes. So you are saying our problem is how do we form a new society based on rational principles?"

Hobbes: "Exactly. I suggest we form a constitutional monarchy."

Descartes: "But who will be the Monarch?"

Hobbes, waving a large stick at the others: "Isn't it obvious? The one with the stick is the Monarch. Now get to work looking for food!"
"But how do you justify your idea that we all need to follow the man with the stick?" "I'll give you a one guess..."

Kierkegaard's Despair

Why do I despair? I do not despair as much as I should.

A Seducer's Diary

Kierkegaard: "To understand the Aesthetic life, we must understand a man who seduces a woman merely to be interesting."
Friend at a cafe: "How does he do that, Kierkegaard?"

Kierkegaard: "He schemes and seduces her, to make her believe she loves him."

Kierkegaard: "Then, just as they are the verge of marriage, he cunningly convinces her against the idea so that she breaks off the engagement herself."

Kierkegaard: "Why does he do this? Not for the act of seduction itself, but of the possibility of it."

Kierkegaard: "For the poetry of it. The irony. To create an interesting moment out of the boredom and tedium of everyday life."

Friend: "So that's what you did with Regine Olsen? Seduced her and left her merely to make life interesting?"

Kierkegaard: "Alas, yes, i am not proud of it ethically, but i used her in a game to create a beautiful, interesting moment of poetry."

Friend: "I heard you broke it off because
you are so depressed that you cry yourself to sleep every night, knew you'd make a terrible husband.."

Kierkegaard: "Sure i mean...that too. I'd say it was about fifty fifty..."
"Have you ever actually seduced anyone?" "I once seduced my own despair, does that count?" "No."

Existential Despair Hotline

Also he was wrong about whatever the hell he was talking about in The Science of Logic.

Kierkegaard at the Dentist

Schopenhauer: "Hey Kierkegaard, how's it going?"
Kierkegaard: "Not good, Schopenhauer, I'm in complete despair."

Schopenhauer: "Oh? Why is that?"
Kierkegaard: "It's just that i have this horrible toothache."

Schopenhauer: "Oh...uh...okay..."
Kierkegaard: "What?"

Schopenhauer: "It's just, i thought it would be for some kind of...you know... deep existential reason."

Kierkegaard: "Oh right, i mean yeah, deep existential reasons too, life is meaningless and... OWWW ...it's just it hurts all the time, it's so annoying!"

Schopenhauer: "You should probably go to the dentist..."
Kierkegaard: "And just when i thought my despair couldn't get worse!"
Schopenhauer: "Dude, just go, it'll be fine."

Dentist: "Alright, all finished, how do you feel?"

Description: Kierkegaard is sitting in the dentist chair.

Kierkegaard: "I feel a terrible despair, for life is finite and we are alone, without guidance, and yet every choice we make is permanent and absolute, forever closing off the possible lives we could have lived!"

Dentist: "Uh..."
Kierkegaard: "No, that's good, it means the toothache is gone and i can once again focus on the despair that haunts the core of my being. Thank you!"
Sometimes I think I'm in a profound moment of existential dread, but it turns out I just needed a snack.

Contemplations on Eternity

Kierkegaard: "The concept of eternity is impossible for the human mind to grasp, and yet we are all forced to grasp with the certainty of an eternity that we cannot comprehend."

Kierkegaard: "And that is, of course, the eternity of death."

Kierkegaard: "Death is so alien to us, both because we can't comprehend our own non-existence, and because we can't comprehend that anything will last forever."

Kierkegaard: "But once every few years i have a glimpse into the reality of eternity. The true meaning of death overwhelms me, my entire life shrinks before the stark reality of non-existence."

Schopenhauer: "Yeah, Kierkegaard, but look on the bright side."
Kierkegaard: "The bright side , Schopenhauer? What bright side?"
Schopenhauer: "Yeah, you said you only have this experience once every few years."
Kierkegaard: "So?"

Schopenhauer: "Well, just given how long you'll live, that means that you'll only have to go through this again ten or twenty more times, at most."
Kierkegaard: "I guess that's true."

Schopenhauer: "And after that you'll be dead, so you won't have to worry about it anymore. Forever."
Kierkegaard: "Right..."

Kierkegaard: "...right..."
"How can I cure my anxiety about death?" "Do you mean...aside from dying or...?"

Philosophy Booth

Serious historical question though, no joke: did Hegel have groupies?

Punk Rock Philosophy

Exisentialism is the most punk rock philosophy, but Diogenes is the most punk rock philosopher.

Fear and Tremblin Factor

Join us next week, where contestants will be commanded by God to kill their children, and they will have to grapple with the doubt that it isn't God at all, because there is a chance it might just be our producers trying to stir up drama for ratings.

Life Decisions

Sartre, what would you do? I would do nothing. Just sit on my ass all day. You don't need to be an immortal God to do nothing, man, Merleau-Ponty does nothing and he is going to die any day.

Philosophy Round Table: Human Nature

Man is the animal that watches stupid TV shows.

Wisdom Lovers

Oh yeah? You think you love wisdom? Name your top five really wise things.

Existential Ad Agency

But seriously, I'm pretty sure the taco with the doritos as the shell was a metaphorical representation of our inescapable despair.

Door to Door Existentialism

Eh, I'll get around to finding some kind of meaning or purpose to my life after a few more episodes.

Kierkegaard Relates to the Common Man

What's really tragic is that there are people out there leading happy, carefree lives.

Existential Daycare

Of course, it was really a meta commentary on how art can never fully communicate the inward feelings of the artist.

Sexy Vampires and Existential Philosophy

Yeah I mean, life is meaningless and all, but it turns out being a sexy vampire is kind of alright.

Dungeons and Dragons and Philosophers VI: The Angsty Dragon of Angst

It's better to not even begin playing D&D than it is to play as a Bard.

Sartre: a Show About Nothingness 2

I'll bet you 500 dollars that you won't seduce a married woman just because you find it interesting.

Existential Shopping Network

Also, if there are any hot actresses watching, give me a call.

Despair Bears

"But you made Care Bears creepy and weird" No. Wrong. The Care Bears were always creepy and weird

Sartre: A Show About Nothingness

"Albert, this report you turned in. It's crap." "Or maybe it's just so brilliant you just don't understand it." "No, it's definitely crap" "Damn you Simone!"

Existential Office

Eventually they figured out that Kafka was actually fired years ago, but due to a glitch in the payroll system he kept getting paid. So they fixed the glitch.

The Dark Knight of Faith

Towards what teleological end? Delivering stone cold one-liners of course.

Kierkegaard wasn't really the greatest at small talk.

He wasn't the best babysitter either

Kierkegaard at the Rave

Hegel was DJing that night and he swears the Absolute promised to meet up with him later, but Kierkegaard was pretty sure he's full of shit.
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