A philosophy webcomic about the inevitable anguish of living a brief life in an absurd world. Also Jokes

Philosophy Anonymous

Socrates: "Hello, my name is Socrates, and i am a philosophy addict. "

Socrates: "But then again, what really IS an addiction?"
Wittgenstein: "I think it's any compulsive activity."

Socrates: "Ahh, but what is the actual difference between compulsion and genuine willing?"
Wittgenstein: "Well..."

Aquinas: "Alright everyone, settle down, that's enough of that. Wittgenstein, your turn to speak."

Wittgenstein: "I've been philosophy free for five years, but last night i had a relapse. I had some friends over to watch sports..."

Wittgenstein: "I just kept asking them to try to come up with a definition that includes all games and excludes all non-games. Before I knew it I had developed a new theory of language."

Schopenhauer: "I too had a relapse. I was at a restaurant and I overheard someone telling their date that all morality is obviously subjective."

Aquinas: "So what did you do, Schopenhauer?"
Schopenhauer: "I pushed him down the stairs! Ha."
Aquinas: "you...what?"

Schopenhauer: "Yeah, and her too because she was chewing too loud. Wait...this is rageaholics right?"

PERSON: "You...what?"
"Am I addicted to pushing people down the stairs? Well, that all depends, define 'stairs'."

Socratic Love

Socrates love is when you love asking questions more than you love not drinking hemlock.

Diotima Teaches Socrates Love

Socrates: "Wise Diotima, I have a question about the nature of love, and I've heard that you are learned in its ways. "
Diotima: "Certainly, Socrates, i will now initiate you into the greater mysteries of love."

Diotima: "he who wishes to know the nature of love should love first one fair form, and then many, and learn the connection of them; and from beautiful bodies he should proceed to beautiful minds.

Diotima: "And then to the beauty of laws and institutions, until he perceives that all beauty is of one kindred; and from institutions he should go on to the sciences."

Diotima: "Until at last the vision is revealed to him of a single science of universal beauty, and then he will behold the everlasting nature which is the cause of all, and will be near the end."

Diotima: "And in the contemplation of that supreme being of love he will behold beauty, not with the bodily eye, but with the eye of the mind"

Diotima: "This will bring forth true creations of virtue and wisdom, and be the friend of God and heir of immortality. "

Socrates: "Okay, uh, that's cool i guess, but actually my question was: “can loverboys still be attractive if they've grown beards?”"
Oracle of Delphi: "also, no one is Athens is hornier than Socrates."

Socrates Invents Western Civilization

Plato: "Hey Socrates,what are you doing?"
Socrates: "Oh...not much, Plato, just
laying down the foundations
of Western Civilization for the
next few thousand years."

Plato: "Oh, cool, can I take a look?"
Socrates: "Of course."
Description: It is just a piece of paper that says "everyone is an idiot"

Plato: "That's your entire idea?"
Socrates: "No, uh...I have other ideas too."

Socrates: "See? Here's the good part."
Description: it now says "everyone is an idiot except for Socrates."

Plato: "Socrates, this isn't anything. No one is going to read this."
Socrates: "You just don't get it!"

Socrates, throwing away the paper: "In fact, i just decided that my ideas can't be written down. It's more about having discussions."

Plato: "So what does that mean?"

Socrates, storming out the door: "It means I have to go tell everyone that they are idiots to their face. That's REAL philosophy!"

Plato: "Somehow I get the feeling that this isn't going to end well...."
"Oh and also, if you ever write any of this down, Plato, make sure to record how much I like gay sex."

Socrates the Cop

The other cops don't know how ignorant they are of what justice really is.

Philosophy Job Interview

This is exactly how interviews go for philosophy professors and no one can convince me otherwise.

Socrates 101

"A bad teacher you say? Well, it sure seems like you know a lot about 'badness'. I agree, you do know about that one, because you are a bad student."

Diogenes and Plato

By the way, if you are being bullied in school, the advice you will often get from your parents and teachers is to ignore them and they will stop. This is bad advice. Trust me, if you bite them, that will be the end of it.

Philosophy Infomercial

"But wait, if you order in the next 15 minutes, we'll throw in a Existentialism for free! You'll be in profound, inescapable despair in no time!"

Emo Socrates

Emo Plato: "If you are in a cave with a bunch of happy people, and you go outside and discover how sad everything is, you are obligated to go back into the cave and totally bum everyone out until they are just as sad as you."

Socrates Gets Socrates'd

"Man, I can see why they wanted to kill me."

Jury Selection

If you've noticed any characters appearing and disappearing, it isn't because the artist is lazy, it is because an evil demon is deceiving you.

Socrates on the Lake

Although on second thought, what even is the nature of "winning an argument?"

Athenian Park

"What are you doing with that tranquillizer gun?" "Tranquillizer gun? This is a hemlock gun."


"What, is it in present day or ancient Greece?" "Uh...another power that Socratesman has is time travel..."

Wise or Not Wise

"But Socrates, what will you do with the million?" "I'll tell you what I'll do, two Athenian boy lovers...AT THE SAME TIME!"

Good Cop, Pragmatist About the Nature of Truth Cop

In the end the jury decided that truth was more about a coherence between ideas themselves, and also that Socrates was a dick, so we might as well kill him.

Gottfried Leibniz and the Quest for the Holy Grail

The French guy is being played by Voltaire, of course.

The "Apology"

It's pretty shocking that Socrates's strategy of giving a 30 minute speech on why all the people who were about to judge him were stupid idiots didn't work out for him

A very spooky philosophy Halloween

Camus came dressed as himself, because what is really scary is how sexy he is.

Hypatia of Alexandria and the Seven Presocratics

Later on, Socrates forgot that he poisoned the apple, and ate it himself. Plato had to make up this whole story about an apology, because it was just too embarrassing.

Philosophy Club

When you think about it, any club can be a fight club with enough spirit.

The Socratic Method

"Oracle of Delphi, who is the most obnoxious man in all of Athens?" "Certainly you are, Socrates"

The Problems of Philosophers

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