Philosophy News Network: Science Solves Philosophy
Philosophy is pointless because my philosophical opinions are correct.
The Game of Life
Foucault's Editor: "could you maybe try to state your point a little more clearly and concisely?" Foucault: "clear writing is one island of the carceral archipelago; binding, punishing, surveillance at all times the mind of the writer, forcing his thoughts to break down into so called scientific modes of grammar, that confine creativity and restrict freedom into contained and approved modes of expression." Editor: "...what?" Foucault: "In other words, no, I won't."
Punk Rock Philosophy
Exisentialism is the most punk rock philosophy, but Diogenes is the most punk rock philosopher.
Philosophy News Network: The Evil Demon
"Oh, but also, the Star Wars Prequels were good in the real world. Like, even better than the originals. I made up Jar Jar Binks out of boredom, sorry about that."
Sartre, what would you do? I would do nothing. Just sit on my ass all day. You don't need to be an immortal God to do nothing, man, Merleau-Ponty does nothing and he is going to die any day.
Sartre and the Chestnut Tree
"Oh my god, de Beauvoir! I've just realized what I should do with my life! I should write novels!" "Sartre...you've already written like five novels..." "Oh yeah..."
Philosophy Round Table: Human Nature
Man is the animal that watches stupid TV shows.
Jenga and the Meaning of Life
As renowned philosopher Al Davis said, the meaning life is to just win, baby.
Philosophy News Network: Postmodernism Special Report
Also, existentialism is when, like...you are too cool to care that smoking kills you, because we are all gonna die anyway and stuff.
Okay, I promise this is the last time I'll do a "radical freedom" joke. Although when you think about it no promise that I make today can actually determine my future actions, on account of...well, you know.
Philosophy News Network: Strike
"Oh and I almost forgot, one more demand: we need eight billions dollars to construct an imaginary Large Hadron Collider to help us with our thought experiments."
It's Always Sunny in Paris 2
de Beauvoir: "Wait, weren't we supposed to be defeating the Nazis?" Camus: "Oh yeah, that's right. Oh well, I'm sure it will work itself out."
Philosophy News Network: Philosophy Solved
Of course, the entire premise of philosophy being "solved" is ridiculous, since Leibniz already solved it when he wrote the Monadology
The Philosophy Force Five vs the Scientismists
Some people are going to say this was an unfair portrayal of Sam Harris, but considering I didn't have him say anything openly sexist, I'd say it was pretty generous.
It's Always Sunny in Paris
Camus: "Wait, so if the meaning of life is arbitrary, maybe it can just be seducing as many girls as possible?" Sartre: "It isn't that arbitrary."
Philosophy News Network: Derrida Arrested
"And how do you plead to the charge of obscurantism?" "The theory of a 'plea' is organized, understood, and experienced prior to any conscious intention as a theory of language. Before we constructed signs we have a presupposed theory of both implicit thought, grasped as pure presentness, and explicit language, grasped as an obliteration of all signs and structures of thought. These two modes must come together in an infinite manifold in order for any 'plea' to be made." "God damnit Derrida, come on."
Of course, it was really a meta commentary on how art can never fully communicate the inward feelings of the artist.
Sexy Vampires and Existential Philosophy
Yeah I mean, life is meaningless and all, but it turns out being a sexy vampire is kind of alright.
Nietzsche tries speed dating
"That which is done out of love always takes place beyond restraining orders." "It really doesn't, Nietzsche."
Terminator: The Simone de Beauvoir Chronicles
All machines are mortal, and each machine's particular death will be at the hand of my double-barrel shotgun.
The French Play Monopoly
Most people don't realize this, but according to the official rules if you play with the top hat you can't go to jail.
Dungeons and Dragons and Philosophers VI: The Angsty Dragon of Angst
It's better to not even begin playing D&D than it is to play as a Bard.
Rebel Without a Constant Conjunction
"Hey Dad, I need some advice on dealing with some trouble I'm in with the Transcendental Idealists." "Son, how many times have I told you not to hang around Transcendental Idealists? Why don't you hang out with that nice Empiricist boy from the church?" "Berkeley? He is such a loser!"
Philosophy and the City
Burke kept calling Simone de Beauvoir and trying to convince her that society functions best with a structured class system, and she had to eventually change her number.
"I don't know, it sort of seems like someone playacting at having radical freedom..."
Sartre: a Show About Nothingness 2
I'll bet you 500 dollars that you won't seduce a married woman just because you find it interesting.
A very spooky philosophy Halloween
Camus came dressed as himself, because what is really scary is how sexy he is.
Existential Shopping Network
Also, if there are any hot actresses watching, give me a call.
Philosophy News Network: the Presidential Debates
Make sure to join us at eleven. Do your teenagers have a subjective, internal experience? The answer may be unknowable.
When you think about it, any club can be a fight club with enough spirit.
Philosophy News Network: The Death of God
Make sure to join us at 11 for our shocking exposé on chairs. Do they even exist? The answer may shock you.
"But you made Care Bears creepy and weird" No. Wrong. The Care Bears were always creepy and weird
Sartre: A Show About Nothingness
"Albert, this report you turned in. It's crap." "Or maybe it's just so brilliant you just don't understand it." "No, it's definitely crap" "Damn you Simone!"
Philosophy News Network
That's what people mean when they talk about "experimental philosophy" right?
Eventually they figured out that Kafka was actually fired years ago, but due to a glitch in the payroll system he kept getting paid. So they fixed the glitch.
Dungeons & Dragons & Philosophers V: The Battle of Five Philosophers
And that was the day that Utilitarians, Objectivists, Communists, and Egoists all united as one: to kill Nietzsche. And also they told him that their group was really hardcore and didn't allow re-rolling characters, so once you died you had to wait outside and not talk.
Sartre stopped inviting Kierkegaard, because Kierkegaard kept giving him crosses and trying to get him to talk about the stages of despair.
Up next, Nietzsche will explain why all pastries are actually built on ressentiment.
The only thing more unrealistic than absolute moral systems is her proportions
Candyland and the Nature of the Absurd
Sartre and Camus told everyone that their falling out was over politics, but really it was mostly over Sartre evoking "radical freedom" one too many times at game night
Fastest Gun in the Continent
I'm pretty sure if my computer had free will, it would use it 99% of the time to be a judgemental dick to me.
Dungeons & Dragons & Philosophers III: Ladies' Night at the Dragon's Den
Arendt made one last attempt to save her alignment by saying she was just following party leadership, so shouldn't be held accountable, but it didn't go over well.
Dungeons & Dragons & Philosophers
About half the time spent on this comic was spent on figuring out how exactly Simone de Beauvoir's hair works, and it still ended up looking terrible. I make no apologies for Derrida's hair, however, for no artist alive can capture that glorious mane.