"Am I addicted to pushing people down the stairs? Well, that all depends, define 'stairs'."
Desert Island Philosophy
"But how do you justify your idea that we all need to follow the man with the stick?" "I'll give you a one guess..."
Philosophy News Network: is Philosophy Useless?
Is philosophy useless? Well, it is now on account of the fact that I've solved it.
Wittgenstein Solves Philosophy
"Whereof one cannot speak, thereof you know I'm right because...come on."
Wittgenstein Teaches Elementary School
"Now, does anyone here have a theory of metaphysics? Because I would love to see if I could produce more behavior that is socially recognized to indicate pain."
Wittgenstein Revises His Thesis
How about this: no one can say anything that isn't grounded in empirical observation, except for Wittgeinstein.
Wittgenstein At The Doctor
Actually, the phrase "drug seeking behavior" doesn't denote anything in the world, per se...
James Bond vs Ludwig Wittgenstein
"Please...no! No more examples of teaching primitive language games, I give up, I'll tell you anything!"
Wittgenstein Plays Scrabble
Board games rules are based on a fundamental mistake about the nature of fun.
The Vienna Circle Solves Humor
They have a good point though, comedy was a mistake.
Is a Hotdog a Sandwich? A Definitive Study.
Carnap: "But if we made an exact scientific language the usage would never be unclear!" Wittgenstein: "No, if you made an exact scientific language, it would always be unclear, because no one is going to learn your nerd language."
A Brief History of Metaphysics
Also...everything is facts.
The Vienna Circle Solves Philosophy
Back in Vienna: "okay, now that we have written this 600 page tract that PROVES scientifically that we are not, in fact, nerds, that should put the matter to rest."
"Derrida is actually quite clear, more clear in some ways than the analytic philosophers."
Captain Metaphysics and the Problem of Language
Yes, all problems of philosophy are problems of language, but it turns out that all problems of language are problems of punching, so...
Wittgenstein in the Great War
Oh no, this is a tragedy! He died before I got to explain private languages!
The Vienna Circle Faces a Crisis of Logical Positivism
It didn't work.
A robbery at the Wittgenstein Bank
"Hi, I'd like to open a savings account" "Imagine a tribe that, instead of money, traded only in colored stones. Each color, or combination of colors, represented a different value in the trading game..." "Uh...is there someone else I can talk to?"
All he wanted to do was fit in, but the villagers were terrified of his truth tables and aphoristic style.
Gottfried Leibniz and the Quest for the Holy Grail
The French guy is being played by Voltaire, of course.
Philosophy as Therapy
Philosophy is actually a great therapy. I mean, unless you have real problems, then you should probably go to real therapy. Although I do wonder why it occurs to me to use the word "real" at this moment...
When you think about it, any club can be a fight club with enough spirit.
You thought that last joke wasn't going to be an Office Space sketch? No. BOOM! Radical freedom, it's Seinfeld. And a bit of Dilbert.
But it turned out that the language games that they play in prison are actually pretty fun.
The Philosophy Superbowl
In many ways Wittgenstein is similar to Tom Brady, whose first Superbowl was also based on a mistake: the Tuck Rule. Also, they are both devastatingly handsome.
Dungeons & Dragons & Philosophers II: The Analytic Turn
Russell destroyed most of Frege's items too, when he threw the bag of holding into the portable hole. Frege was pretty cheesed off about it at first, but eventually he admitted it was his fault for not realizing that portable holes weren't quite as secure as he had thought.
Language Games: Philosophers Play Pictionary
Growing up in a wealthy home, Wittgenstein never actually saw a beetle as a child. When he asked his parents and relatives what a beetle looked like, they gave descriptions, but he could tell they didn't know either. As he grew older, he theorized that no one had ever actually seen a beetle. He told all his philosopher friends, who just got really excited and assumed that he was making a profound point regarding the nature of language. He was too embarrassed to correct them and simply pretended like that was what he meant all along. He still isn't sure what a beetle is to this day, or if they even exist at all.
Kierkegaard at the Rave
Hegel was DJing that night and he swears the Absolute promised to meet up with him later, but Kierkegaard was pretty sure he's full of shit.
Beetle in a Box
Five naked, blindfolded men get into a hottub. The water represents the totality of facts, what we feel with our hands represents our picture of the world, and our penises...