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Marxist Brainstorming



Marx: "Alright guys, what is the one thing that the communist movement is really missing, that is preventing it from taking off? " Engels: "Class consciousness among the proletariat? " James Guillaume: "A large scale organized political party?" Bakunin: "A trained militia capable of revolution?" Engels: "Unity between different leftist groups? " Marx: "What? No, I'm talking about a snappy slogan, obviously." Marx: "So let's have a brainstorming session and think up a slogan good enough to bring about communism." Bakunin: "Okay, what about..." Bakunin: "Workers of the worlds...just say NO to capitalism." Marx: "Alright Bakunin, well, it's a brainstorming session, so there are no bad ideas...i guess. Anyone else have a slogan?" Guillaume: "What about this: workers of the world...stop having your surplus labor value taken away from you on account of the fact that it only takes some hours to produce..." Marx: "Good, Engels, just not quite...zippy enough."
Guillaume: "What about: workers of the world, if you see a capitalist, punch him in the throat!" Bakunin: "Why is it always throat punches with you, Guillaume?" Guillaume: "The throat is the capitalist's weak point. It both swallows the bread created from the toil of the workers, and commands the labor of the proletariat! One good punch to the throat could bring down the whole rotten system!" Marx: "Alright, well obviously the throat punching one is the best so far, but i feel like we still aren't there." Marx: "Wait a minute, I've got it!" Marx: "Workers of the world...UNITE!" Bakunin: "Oh I see how it is, so we all have to unite. No room for individuals under Marx's communism." Marx: "No, i just mean-" Bakunin: "I know what you mean, well i have my own slogan: no Gods, no masters! And that includes the communist party!" Bakunin: "Come on Guillaume, let's form our own party, with our own slogan." Guillaume: "Yeah! No Gods, no masters, lots of throat punching!" Marx: "God damnit. Why does this always happen?"
In the end the anarchists decided that any one overriding slogan was an unjustified hierarchical form of domination and it was up to each individual to freely pick their own slogan.

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